Love and Mawwiage

Lord willing, this Sunday we will consider what Jesus has to say about marriage in Mark 10:1-12 as we continue our series through the gospel of Mark. There is a lot of talk about marriage these days, and we will address some of that on Sunday as we seek to listen to what Jesus has to say about it.

It's natural for people to associate love and marriage. One of the many memorable scenes from the cult classic film, The Princess Bride, is the marriage ceremony of Prince Humperdink and a very reluctant Buttercup. The priest begins the service by saying:

Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove

But what is true love? And what role does love play in marriage?

Paul Tripp has an excellent definition and explanation in his book on marriage, What Did You Expect? 

Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not require reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving.

He then goes on to unpack the definition (pp. 188-189):

Love is willing.

Jesus said, “No one takes [my life] from me, but I lay it down of my own accord” (John 10:18). The decisions, words, and actions of love always grow in the soil of a willing heart. You cannot force a person to love. If you are forcing someone to love, by the very nature of the act you are demonstrating that this person doesn’t in fact love.

Love is willing self-sacrifice.

There is no such thing as love without sacrifice.

Love calls you beyond the borders of your own wants, needs, and feelings.

Love calls you to be willing to invest time, energy, money, resources, personal ability, and gifts for the good of another.

Love calls you to lay down your life in ways that are concrete and specific.

Love calls you to serve, to wait, to give, to suffer, to forgive, and to do all these things again and again.

Love calls you to be silent when you want to speak, and to speak when you would like to be silent.

Love calls you to act when you would really like to wait, and to wait when you would really like to act.

Love calls you to stop when you really want to continue, and it calls you to continue when you feel like stopping.

Love again and again calls you away from your instincts and your comfort.

Love always requires personal sacrifice.

Love calls you to give up your life.

Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another.

Love always has the good of another in view.

Love is motivated by the interests and needs of others.

Love is excited at the prospect of alleviating burdens and meeting needs.

Love feels poor when the loved one is poor.

Love suffers when the loved one suffers.

Love wants the best for the loved one and works to deliver it.

Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not require reciprocation.

The Bible says that Jesus died for us while we were still sinners. If he had waited until we were able to reciprocate, there would be no hope for us.

Love isn’t a “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” bargain.

Love isn’t about placing people in our debt and waiting for them to pay off their debts.

Love isn’t a negotiation for mutual good.

Real love does not demand reciprocation, because real love isn’t motivated by the return on the investment. No, real love is motivated by the good that will result in the life of the person being loved.

Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not require reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving.

Christ was willing to go to the cross and carry our sin precisely because there was nothing that we could ever do to earn, achieve, or deserve the love of God. If you are interested only in loving people who are deserving, the reality is that you are not motivated by love for them but by love for yourself. Love does its best work when the other person is undeserving. It is in these moments that love is most needed. It is in these moments that love is protective and preventative. It stays the course while refusing to quit or to get down and get dirty and give way to things that are anything but love.

There is never a day in your marriage when you aren’t called to be willing.

There is never a day in your marriage when some personal sacrifice is not needed.

There is never a day when you are free from the need to consider the good of your husband or wife.

There is never a day when you aren’t called to do what is not reciprocated and to offer what has not been deserved.

There is never a day when your marriage can coast along without being infused by this kind of love.

May you rest in the love Jesus has for you and may our marriages reflect his love.

How Should We Respond to the SCOTUS ruling?

While I do not claim this is the only or best way to respond to the SCOTUS ruling regarding same-sex marriage last week, I do believe our biblical response as a church, as the people of God, would at least include these attitudes/actions:

IT SHOULD SPUR US ON TO REPENT OF OUR OWN SIN

We each should examine our own lives and honestly assess whether our marriages and relationships are reflecting the gospel of Jesus Christ. We should be more concerned about our own sin than the sin of others. And as we are aware of sin in our own lives we ought to repent immediately and once again plead the finished work of Jesus Christ on our behalf. When people were telling Jesus about others who they thought were “worse” sinners his response was, “Do you think (they) were worse sinners than all the (others). . . No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.” (Luke 13:2-3).

IT SHOULD SADDEN US

Those who celebrate this ruling may claim that “love wins”, but what about love for God and passion for his glory? When Jesus taught his disciples to pray he began his prayer with these words, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.” (Matthew 6:9) In this ruling God’s name is not being lifted up as holy, instead, this is an assault on God and his image in man. This should grieve us as God’s people, as a church that aims to worship God in all of life.

IT SHOULD NOT SURPRISE US

We live in a fallen world, a world that ignores God, and so it should not surprise us when this world rejects God and his ways. We should not expect the world in which we live to honor God and uphold his Word (1 John 2:15-17). It should also not surprise us if this world hates us. Jesus told us to expect as much (John 15:18-26, 1 John 3:13).

IT SHOULD NOT SCARE US

This is still God’s world and he is still reigning on his throne doing as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the people of the earth (Psalm 24:1, Psalm 115:3, Daniel 4:34-35). The justices of the Supreme Court are there, ultimately, by God’s appointment. “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.” (Romans 13:1). Proverbs 21:1 says, “The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.” And, as the Heidelberg Catechism reminds us: “not a hair can fall from our heads apart from the will of our Father in heaven.” Our Father in heaven is almighty and glorious, we have no need to fear others. “Who is this King of glory? The LORD of hosts, he is the King of glory!” (Psalm 24:10)

IT WILL NOT SWAY US

God’s Word tells us that the church is a pillar and buttress of the truth (1 Timothy 3:15). And so we will not be peddlers of the Word of God. We will not redefine marriage but continue to uphold it as a gift from God for the good of humanity, the first institution that he established for the good of mankind, consisting of one man and one woman and intended to be a reflection of the gospel, of the union between Jesus Christ the Son of God and his bride, the Church, the people of God.

Jesus himself affirmed this definition of marriage in Mark 10:6-8: But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.

We must remember that we are the household of God, the church of the living God. We are not an American Church. Yes, we are grateful for the freedoms we enjoy in this country we live in, and we are thankful for all the men and women who have given their lives and who currently serve to protect these freedoms. But we must remember that Jesus is the head of the church and that his church includes people from every tribe and tongue and nation and language. America is not God’s chosen nation. Our allegiance is not to America but to King Jesus, and his kingdom includes people from every nation on earth.

We are also not a political church: Republican, Democrat, or Libertarian. Our response as a church is not political. Individual Christians may get involved in politics, but we as a church are not committed to any one political party. And the people of God do not place their hope in a nation, a political party, or a particular person running for office.

And so we will not sway from our mission. We will continue to PRAISE GOD, striving to worship Him in all of life. We will continue to LOVE PEOPLE, all people, pursuing them in love as Jesus has pursued and loved us. We will PROCLAIM CHRIST, his life, death, resurrection and coming again. And we will PRAY IN THE SPIRIT at all times. Soli Deo Gloria.

If you want to consider other appropriate responses, here are a few others I believe are worth reading:

Roy Taylor, Stated Clerk of the PCA, has given our denomination’s view in a brief Statement on Same-sex Marriage

The Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention has a well-written Evangelical Declaration on Marriage

Kevin DeYoung has asked, But What Does the Bible Say?

John Piper has shared a lamentation

The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood released an official response.

And here’s a response from Rosaria Butterfield and Christopher Yuan, two people who not long ago would have celebrated this decision.

Sermon Follow Up

Nathan Lino has an interesting post over at For the Church which fits in nicely with Troy's last couple of sermons from the book of Mark:

It is curious that we as believers take no time to think about how to listen to a sermon. In fact, it makes no sense.

One would think we’d be naturally motivated to learn how to develop the spiritual discipline of listening to a sermon. Even just for a very practical, utilitarian reason–to not waste our time. Get this: If you attend Sunday morning worship 45 out of the next 52 Sundays, that is 45 x 40 minute sermons. That is 1,800 minutes or 30 hours of sermons; a significant amount of your time. If you are an adult that has been in church for many years you have spent hundreds of hours of your life sitting through sermons. Just the sheer amount of time we spend listening to sermons should at least spark curiosity in us about how to listen to a sermon effectively.

But of course, there is a far greater motivation for a believer to want to listen to a sermon well: the fact that we know preaching is God’s design and a great gift of His to us. We find it in passages like 1 Corinthians 1:20-25, 1 Corinthians 2:1-5, Ephesians 4:7-16, and 2 Timothy 4:1-5: Christ’s appointed shepherd, delivering a message from God’s Word to God’s gathered people, all under the anointing and power of God. Natural or unnatural, easy or difficult, we know at a basic Christian level that regularly sitting under the preaching ministry in our Sunday morning services is God’s plan and a great gift from Him.

Listening to a sermon is a learned discipline that can be developed in you.

So listen: if we know this is God’s plan for us and we are going to spend countless hours doing it, why wouldn’t we want to get really good at it? What if I told you listening to a sermon is a learned discipline that can be developed in you and will maximize the effect of preaching upon your life?

Here are some pointers to get you going:

First, just knowing that listening to a sermon is a spiritual discipline that must be developed is a game changer. This tells you it’s ok if you struggle to concentrate listening to a monologue for forty minutes; it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It also tells you that it is possible for you to develop the ability to listen to a sermon well. But, this also tells you that if you don’t put forth effort to work at it, you won’t ever develop the ability to concentrate through a sermon.

Second, I preach through books of the bible. So, most Sundays, you know in advance what passage I’ll be preaching from. Take a few moments during the week to read the text and familiarize yourself with it so you aren’t starting from scratch when the sermon starts. The more ambitious could even do a little research and bone up on some background information on the passage.

Third, pray in advance for the sermon time. Preaching is a very spiritual phenomenon: God revealed through Christ revealed through the Scriptures revealing a particular message through His appointed, earthly messenger to a particular audience on a particular Sunday. It is a highly spiritual phenomenon and if you don’t approach it spiritually, you won’t experience its full effect upon your life. So, in advance, pray for the Holy Spirit to give me His message for NEHBC and to help me deliver it. Pray for the congregation and yourself to hear and understand it. We need the message delivered effectively and we need the message received effectively. Both require the work of the Holy Spirit in us.

Fourth, know your learning style and prepare for the sermon time accordingly. Here are some examples of how I do it: I am easily distracted by people around me. So, my solution is to sit in the very front and center of the room. Even when Nicole and I were 22 year old newlyweds without children, we sat in the exact same seats as lay people in the church to which we belonged in North Carolina that we sit in as lead pastor couple now: second row, front and center. If my pastor has a message for me from God, I want to be able to concentrate, which for me means sitting up front. I also know my mind wanders; a laser like focus I do not have. My mind resembles the attention span of a Labrador puppy more than a King Cobra. So, my solution is to take notes when I listen to a sermon. By taking notes, it forces me to concentrate more, and it keeps my mind on message.

Finally, here is a basic technical aspect of a sermon that can help you focus: a sermon has a “big idea;” a main, central truth or principle. Everything the preacher says is going to be about that principle: he will show it to you in the text and then flesh it out, argue for it, defend it, apply it, etc. Different preachers use different approaches to showcasing the big idea of the sermon. Some build up to it as the sermon unfolds so it doesn’t come out until later in the sermon, or some announce it at the beginning of the sermon and then unpack it as the sermon goes along–you know, the whole “tell them what you are going to say, say it, then tell them what you told them” approach to teaching. Here’s a tip for finding the central truth of the sermon: generally, it is a sentence that the preacher keeps saying repeatedly for emphasis. Once you find it, write it down, and lock it down in your mind. Everything the preacher says in the sermon is about this one main, central truth or principle. Knowing this, go into the sermon seeking the big idea–this will really help you concentrate and understand Christ’s message to you.

Will we be ready for Sunday?

Pastor Joe Thorn has a great post worth reading as we prepare for our gathered worship each week. You can read it below or at the Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals website:

MAKING THE MOST OF SUNDAY

Corporate worship on the Lord’s day is precious to the people of God. We are invited to gather together for fellowship with God and one another through both word and sacrament, prayer and song. This gathering is perhaps the most beautiful, earthly picture we have of the church as we, of differing backgrounds and interests, unite together in Jesus Christ. Edmund Clowney put it so well when he wrote:

“Above all, we must prize the blessing of corporate worship. The church of the Lord, gathered for worship, marks the pinnacle of our fellowship with the Lord and with one another. The church is the people of God, the new humanity, the beginning of the new creation, a colony of heaven… In corporate worship we experience the meaning of union with Christ.”1

Yet, Sundays can be trying. We are busy and tired from a week of labor and activities. For those families with children just getting out the door on time can be a challenge--if not a battle! And when we finally sit down in church we are assaulted with distractions emerging from our own hearts and minds.

I want to encourage you to make the most of corporate worship, not just this weekend, but every weekend. As we look forward to what God will do among us as we gather let’s remember that there are three ways to get the most out of your Sundays with the church: prepare, participate, and reflect.

Prepare

The significance of corporate worship must not be missed. We are not gathered to observe a show, or attending a lecture. We gather to worship the living God, drawing near to him through Jesus Christ, feasting on his word, repenting of sin, and rejoicing in his salvation. Getting the most out of worship is greatly helped by preparing our hearts to meet with God the night before.

Prayer is the primary means by which we prepare our hearts for worship. We should be in prayer for those who will lead as well as all who attend, asking God to draw men to the Son, to revive the lukewarm by his Spirit, and to penetrate hearts with the word.

And of course you must pray for your own soul; confessing your sin, trusting in the pardon only the Father gives in Jesus. We ought to be asking God to show us any hurtful ways in our hearts, and to speak to our fears and needs when we gather in the assembly. In his outstanding little book, The Christian's Daily Walk, Henry Scudder explained the place of prayer in preparation for worship when he wrote:

“Then pray for yourself, and for the minister, that God would give him a mouth to speak, and you a heart to hear, as you both ought to do. All this, before you shall assemble for public worship.”2

It is also helpful to read and meditate on the passage that your pastor will preaching from on Sunday. Early on in my first church plant a man named Mark called my cell phone, which at the time was also the church’s official phone line. He told me he was in town with his son and would be joining us for worship the next day. He wanted to know what passage I was preaching from so he and his son could read it and pray through it together that night. The next day Mark and his son showed up to our little church plant prepared to worship our risen Savior. I had no idea the night before I was speaking on the phone with Pastor Mark Dever of Capital Hill Baptist Church! His example is one we would all do well to follow.

Another means of preparation is rest. The hectic (and often times unnecessary) pace of our lives can make transitioning to worship on the Lord’s Day difficult. Be sure to get enough sleep the night before. Fatigue can be a great hindrance to worship, so let’s not give it any room to distract us. On Sunday morning be sure to get up early enough to not be rushed. And when you arrive be ready to respond to what the Lord will do.

Participate

Getting the most out of corporate worship requires you to do more than show up. You must participate in the act of worship in all of its forms. You are not an observer, but a worshipper. The only Observer is the Lord himself who receives our offering with delight through his Son Jesus Christ.

Get there early. Sometimes, in God’s providence, we arrive late, but our habit should be to arrive early. Getting there before worship begins allows us to not only be part of the whole gathering, but also gives opportunity to see and serve others. The Call to Worship that formally begins the assembly is not a bell that merely announces the beginning of an event, and is an invitation to draw our hearts upward toward our triune God. The first verses of Scripture that are read are put in place through careful planning and God’s providence. Arriving late means you are missing something good God has for you to hear.

Hear the word with eagerness. The reading of Scripture in worship is the voice of God, and we must be ready to hear him. Here the Lord speaks to his people collectively, and to you individually. Distractions will abound, so we must consciously lay them aside to give God our full attention. Whenever the word of God is read it is an “audible conference of the Almighty with your soul. A distraction lets him talk unto the walls.”3

Sing with your heart to the Lord and to those present. Scripture commands us to address “one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart.” (Eph 5:19) It is painfully obvious that in many churches today much of the congregation lip-syncs along with the band on stage. Even if the entire body was to sing aloud it is often impossible to hear them over the vocalists and musicians. But the Lord calls us to sing to him and to one another. This is a form of worship God has specifically prescribed for us. Yes, we sing with our hearts, but such songs are to be amplified by faith and run through our mouths. Here is where the real volume should come in. We should be turned up as far as we can go.

There may be songs you are not fond of. If the melody isn’t to your liking focus on the words, assuming they are reflect the truth of God and the gospel. Do not allow your preferences to short-circuit worship. This gathering is not set to meet your tastes but the taste of almighty God.

Pray with those who lead in prayer. It is easy to tune out when someone else is leading in prayer. So keep in mind this is not the time for one person to pray, but for all God’s people to pray. Push distractions out of your mind to give attention to what is being offered up by the one, and echo those prayers in your own heart, adding to them as you and the rest of the church entreat the Lord together. “Prayer is a pouring out the heart unto the Lord; by a distraction you pour it aside."4

Follow the preacher. When the preacher stands to deliver the sermon work hard to follow him closely, bible in hand, ready to receive the message not as man’s word, but God’s word (1 Thess 1:6; 2:13) If you have a hard time following the preacher, keep your Bible open and prayerfully search it. When you read the word of God it is read it is a “perusing of God's heart in black and white, where you may believe every letter to be written in blood.”5

Let the various parts of corporate worship draw you to our triune God. In our weakness, or sometimes in the weakness of a particular element in worship, we may not experience much grace in the moment. But If the songs do not enflame your heart, perhaps the sermon will. Or if the sermon is difficult for you to digest, perhaps the prayers will lift your head in adoration. God is at work in each element of worship, so each component has the ability to challenge and change you, including the call to worship, the songs, the prayers, the preaching, the Lord’s Supper, the offering, and the benediction.

Go as one who is sent. As worship concludes and you return home, remember that you are not simply leaving, but are sent by God to believe his word, walk in the Spirit, and testify to the reality of Jesus Christ in all of life.

Reflect

Finally, when the assembly has been sent out, and you are alone or with family or friends, reflect on what was heralded and heard. Return to the word that was preached, discuss it with others, and ask God to continue working in you what he said that day.

There is much to be gained in corporate worship, but I find that  we easily miss out when we are not prepared for it, participating in it, or reflecting on it. Again Scudder noted:

Do all this the rather, because there is not a clearer sign to distinguish you from one that is pro fane, than this, of conscientiously keeping holy the Lord's day. Neither is there any ordinary means of gaining strength and growth of grace in the in ward man like this, of due observing the sabbath. For this is God's great mart or fair-day for the soul, on which you may buy of Christ wine, milk, bread, marrow and fatness, gold, white raiment, eye salve, — even all things which are necessary, and which will satisfy, and cause the soul to live. It is the special day of proclaiming and sealing of pardons to penitent sinners. It is God's special day of publishing and sealing your patent of eternal life. It is a blessed day, sanctified for all these blessed purposes.6

1. Edmund Clowney, The Church

2. Henry Scudder, The Christian’s Daily Walk

3. Richard Steele, A Remedy for Wandering Thoughts in Worship

4. Ibid.

5. Ibid.

6. Henry Scudder, The Christian’s Daily Walk

Holding Fast to the Word of Life

We looked at Philippians 2:14-18 this past Sunday at Proclamation.

We are commanded in verse 14 to do all things without grumbling or disputing. At the heart of grumbling is a lack of trust in God, a failure to submit to his right to reign in our lives. One of the lessons of the Israelites’ grumbling in their wilderness journey is that the root that feeds the sin of grumbling and disputing is despising God and not believing in him (Numbers 14:11). Grumbling comes from a heart of unbelief and ingratitude.

“Holding fast to the word of life” is the means by which we can fight against this temptation to grumble. The word of God, the word of life, reveals God’s character and contains God’s promises to his people. As we hold fast to the word of life by God’s grace we are enabled to trust God and interpret our circumstances in light of God’s character and promises. As the psalmist says in Psalm 9:10, “Those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.”

Pastor Erik Raymond, at his blog, Ordinary Pastor, wrote an article that I found very encouraging as I thought about “holding fast to the word of life”.

Here’s his conclusion:

“Therefore, whenever you are dealing with the day-to-day grind, the data points of life, remember the bookends of God’s character and his promise. See everything in light of the cross of Christ! Let his character interpret your circumstances and not the other way around.”

I encourage you to read the entire article here: God's character and your circumstances.